And today I am reminded....

Abort him. That is what the doctors all told her to do. She had been very sick during her pregnancy. The odds were against the baby. Abort him. If he lives, he will be severely handicapped, physically, mentally. If he does live to term, the doctors told her she would face caring for a child that would not live long. Abort him. If he lives, he won't live past the age of 12 and will be severely handicapped. 
Abort him. 

No. She wouldn't. She wouldn't do what doctors told her to do. Instead she put her faith in Him. 
The child lived to full term. He lived to the first year, and then the second. Sure, he got sick, what child doesn't? But he grew! He made it to age 12...13... 
He lived to become a child of God. He lived to be a soldier for Christ. He lived to become a husband and a father. This child who would not live, has lived. He went to college. He joined the military and has seen the world. And in his time he has shared his faith. And in his time he has saved lives! 

Today, his birthday, he is 48 years old, stands 6'4". He is an amazing husband, a loving, devoted father, and a devout follower of Christ! He has beat many odds that lay against him and triumphed! 
Abort him? No, God has a plan for him! 

Happy Birthday James! I love you! What a blessing you are to everyone around you! I look forward to our journey ahead!

Whirlwind...

January has been a whirlwind!  Today I find myself feeling the tiredness.  It seems to always be there...but today I feel it.    

Here is the thing though...God wants us to feel the tiredness as a reminder that we need rest. He says...

So maybe it is not that I am tired but weary. I do not crave sleep.  I crave rest. I crave joy. 

See how it works?

Satellite Dish in the Center Turning Lane...

I was driving to work this morning and on the traffic news for Sacramento I hear "There is a satellite dish in the center turn lane of..."  All I could think is...wow...someone is having a bad start to their day! How big is this dish?

I wanted coffee so I took a detour through the Starbucks drive-thru.  Yes, Starbucks...the evil chain of yummy deliciousness! And I was still pondering that satellite dish!  Patiently waiting for my turn to order, I am suddenly rear-ended in the drive thru! UGH!  I get out...there is a child(okay, he was probably 17 or so) behind me..his big brown eyes looking at me.  He is embarrassed!  No damage to either vehicle.  I think he was distracted by the attractive young lady handing out samples of tasty coffee to poor souls waiting in line at the drive-thru. And getting back in my car I thought...my reaction to the situation could be his satellite dish! If I had gotten out of my car and yelled at him...well, that would just suck! There isn't any damage done, yes, he was careless, but aren't we all at some point or another!

I paid for my "tall, double-shot white mocha", and I paid for his coffee as well. I am not telling you this to say...hey, look at me... I am telling you this because someone out there is having a worse day than you are having, than I am having, or had.  I have a "satellite in the center turning lane".  We all have one. Maybe today, you can do something to help someone with their satellite.  It may just clear up their reception, and yours!

Polka-Dotted Chocolate

Dessert arrived.  Delectable chocolate mousse for me.  Key Lime mousse for Sarah. Hers came as always with a small wedge of polka-dotted white chocolate carefully placed on the whipped cream. She was suddenly saddened.  Her dad usually eats that piece of yummy chocolate.  He acts like he is going to steal it, she blocks him, takes it out of the whip cream daintily, smiles and gives it to her daddy.  But he isn't here.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as we lay our heads down to sleep last night.

"It feels like a deployment huh."  "yes"

And it does, but it isn't.  We are separated geographically.  The Major(retired), is in Alaska and started a new job yesterday.  I am here, Sarah is here.  Kate is at school in SoCal.

It was sudden just like his last deployment.  We had to get new ID cards right before he left, just like his last deployment.  And we cried, just like his last deployment.  And everyday I am so thankful this is not a deployment.  I did not kiss him and send him off to war.

I kissed him and sent him off to get the rough draft of our next chapter outlined. And I pray for my sweet friends who have those they love out on deployment. I understand.

What a Year!!!

We started the year as we hope we always will.  Sarah's birthday is on January 6th.  In 2013 she turned 18. Honestly I do not feel old enough to have a daughter who is 18...well...now 19 since her birthday brought in our newest year and she turned 19!  It was a great start to the year and Sarah attended "The Lion King" live in San Francisco with Caillen and his parents.  She is a light in this world!
January 19th.  A beautiful day to go flying. James and Caillen did just that.  When the call came from Caillen from an unknown number with "we are ok, but..."
I was on the phone with Kate calling her back home from an evening out with her friend Ruth.  Thenthe girlsh and I were in the car. I really don't remember the drive to Rideout Hospital in Marysville. I do remember the sinking feeling.  I had that feeling before...too many times.
The newspaper captured this photo:

  We arrived at the ER.  The security guard was very quiet as he led us back.  We held the hand of the other.  We did not know what to expect.  What happpens to someone who is in that plane in the picture?

We rounded the corner and saw Caillen.  He was fine. Tears of relief.  There was no James. Just a space waiting for him. We waited, and waited.  Caillen and his dad, Darryl waited with us. Darryl is a gentle, calming soul!

Then, there he was, strapped to a gurney, clothes shredded. Shaking from shock and covered in blood. Mud and grass caked areas of his body.

The plane lost power on takeoff.

The rescue vehicles set fire to the grass, catalytic converters.

James spent 3 days in the ICU.  

February, I traveled to Montana for a week.  Went skiing with my brother and came down with whooping cough.  Yay! 

March, Kate turned 21! Again...am I old enough? Don't answer that!  Kate "is" what it feels like when your heart races, suddenly.

April...hmmm...got nothin'.  

May!  We graduated Sarah from high school!

June, we had a huge graduation party for Sarah and got to see lots of people, near and dear.

July, I started "officially" working for the Greater Grass Valley Chamber of Commerce where I had been volunteering since March. "Executive Assistant"

August, Kate began her senior year at Azusa Pacific University!  Sarah began her freshman year of college at our local community college!

September, adjusting to the new life of no longer homeschooling and James' retirement hovers on the horizon.

October, I went for a short visit to Montana.  James officially retires from 23 years in the USAF!

November, job searching for James.  Wonderful Thanksgiving spent with the girls here in our home.

December, job hunting, Christmas, and all the intentions of getting those cards out on time.  Did not happen!

Then the last week of December, the news came. 8 job offers later, we decide on Alaska.

We don't know what the next chapter brings.  God willing, we will celebrate as Caillen and Sarah get married.  We will celebrate Kate graduating college! And God willing, we will find our way back together no matter where each of us is.

Tonight, I write from my comfy couch next to the fireplace. James is on his way to Alaska to start his new job with the FAA on Monday.  Kate starts classes Monday. Sarah goes back to work Monday.  And I start sorting, packing and remembering. Remembering what an adventure life has been so far!

We are on the verge of a great adventure....stay tuned!

On my front porch there are one dozen daisy plants waiting for me to place them in their new home in my yard.  They sit patiently as I decide on the perfect spot for each of them to soak up sun and water to become beautiful long stemmed white rays of happiness.  Who can look at a daisy and not feel happy?
Who can sit in a garden and not feel the stir of a piece of Heaven?

I garden.  I plant flowers in hopes that they will bloom.  For the most part, they do, unless the deer have feasted upon the bounty.  I garden by trial and error and gathering of knowledge through books, magazines and friends.  And though it may be frustrating at times, I continue to garden.

I garden, therefore I am.  When I garden or "play with my flowers", I feel so very close to God, to the One who created all the beautiful things of this world, and the not so beautiful.  I feel close to Him as I dig in the dirt, my hands void of gloves and my feet bare to the coolness of the earth beneath them and to the warmth the sun provides from above.

I garden.  All of life began in a garden and perhaps those of us who plant flowers or vegetables or just enjoy the tranquility of digging in the dirt are merely trying to reach back to our beginnings in the Garden of Eden.  Reaching for our God, connecting with Him, maker of all things.

"The Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and placed there the man whom He had formed. And from the ground the Lord God caused to grow every tree that was pleasing to the sight and good for food, with the tree of life in the middle of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and bad." --Genesis 2:8-9

I garden.  I dig in the dirt and love the smell and the feel upon my skin.  I love the blooms that come after the work.  And I love sitting amongst the blooms feeling satisfied.  And I wonder, is this how God felt on His day of rest?  Pure satisfaction as He walked in His garden?

"Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day..." Genesis 3:8

I will someday walk with God in His Garden.

God's Garden by Robert Frost

God made a beatous garden
With lovely flowers strown,
But one straight, narrow pathway
That was not overgrown.
And to this beauteous garden
He brought mankind to live,
And said: "To you, my children,
These lovely flowers I give.
Prune ye my vines and fig trees,
With care my flowerets tend,
But keep the pathway open
Your home is at the end."

Then came another master,
Who did not love mankind,
And planted on the pathway
Gold flowers for them to find.
And mankind saw the bright flowers,
That, glitt'ring in the sun,
Quite hid the thorns of av'rice
That poison blood and bone;
And far off many wandered,
And when life's night came on,
They still were seeking gold flowers,
Lost, helpless and alone.

O, cease to heed the glamour
That blinds your foolish eyes,
Look upward to the glitter
Of stars in God's clear skies.
Their ways are pure and harmless
And will not lead astray,
Bid aid your erring footsteps
To keep the narrow way.
And when the sun shines brightly
Tend flowers that God has given
And keep the pathway open
That leads you on to heaven.

Update...

It has been far too long since my last post, but I am planning on making this blog thingy a habit...maybe.
In the last post the Major was working on retiring from the Air Force, that has not happened as yet.  it is in the plan in the very near and dear future.  Right now he is recovering from another surgery.  I think he is up to 8 and 6 have been in the last 7 years.  He is a difficult man to hold down during recovery, and I think by now we have both learned not to pray for patience. 
So, for now I update with this, we have trials, tribulations, joy and victories.  Through all things we work to give our Lord Jesus glory.  He holds us each day in the palm of His hands.  We just need to remember to be still in His hands. 

All Good Things Must Come to an End....

The day comes faster and faster each moment.  The "to-do" list gets longer and longer.  I have actually thought of making a list of "dones".  It's like making a list of "to dos" but as soon as you write it you get to cross it out.
November 1, 2010 will mark the end of an era in my life as Major James Grogan's wife.  No...not divorce!  Retirement!  The Major will be retiring after 20 years of distinguished military service!  Thus the end of my time as an active duty military wife.  No worries...I have no plans whatsoever to start playing Mah-Jong in the "Combined Ranks Club".  From here life can only get more interesting because I know God has always had His Hands in it.  The good...the bad....and the ugly...all for a reason...all for His Glory!
So here goes...my list of "dones"...or better yet..."done-so-far".

Fell in love with a military man and married him...not my plan and sooner than the Major had planned.

Worked together in Glacier Park our first summer of marriage before he went active duty...the Major was a rafting guide...I packed the trips.

Emergency landing in a small aircraft!  Almost drowned in a Class 3 rapid on the North Fork of the Flathead river!(these were not on the same day)

Moved to Mississippi....definitely not our plan!

House broken into...not in the plan.

Moved to New Mexico...again...not our plan! 

Kate was born...definitely in the plan!  Just sooner than WE planned!

Now here is where I start learning a bit about myself...when Kate was 3 months old the Major(he was a 1st LT at this point) was sent to Logistics school...in Colorado!  This would be the first...but not the last time we would be separated for a long period of time. I learned to be very independent.  I learned a bit of what it would be like as a single mom, I learned that nights without my husband next to me sucked.  I also learned that God does not give  us anything we cannot handle!  I also made my first cross-country road trip by myself with a baby.  Albuquerque to Denver then on to Bozeman, MT for 2 weddings then onto Whitefish, MT for a 3rd wedding...all without my husband. The best thing I learned....He made me strong!

Sarah was born!  YAY...definitely in the plan!

Experienced the immense fear as a handgun is pointed straight at me in a parking lot in Albuquerque...not fun!

The Major goes to Little Rock for 4 months for C-130 training  when Sarah is 2 weeks old....not fun!

Receive orders to Alaska...YAY!! orders changed to Japan...NOT YAY!

Pack the house, clean the house for inspection(thank goodness for helpful Colonels' wives!) load the trailer and rush 2 year old to emergency room for excessive vomitting!  Then move to MT while the major finishes training in Little Rock then finds housing for us in Japan.

When Sarah is 8 months old we are allowed to fly to Japan to meet up with the Major.  What a long trip with 2 children under 3 years!  I didn't sleep for more than 48 hours!

We get settled in...over the jet-lag.  A week later...new to a foreign country(that drives on the left side of the road)  I am rushing my husband to the emergency room.  He is diagnosed with spinal meningitis and the flight doctor says "if he lives he will have brain damage"...and then leaves the room!  OK...more of the..."He does not give you more than you can handle"...ok...got it...after a stay in the hsopital...all is well! God's plan!

Experienced my first earthquake!  On the 7th floor of our apartment building that is on "rollers" so that it won't crumble. The major slept through it...

The Major receives orders for SOS...in Montgomery, Alabama.  We have only been back together as a family for  2 months and they send him back to the states for training.  And yes...as soon as I could I packed the girls up and we flew to St. Louis then rented a car and drove to Montgomery....by myself.

Experienced my first typhoon...all the flight crews were called up to ferry the aircraft to safety leaving the wives and children to "fend for themselves"...this is when I figured out that if the military wanted you to have a wife...they would have issued you one! I also kindof got use to the major being gone and not knowing where he was located! And I taught English to Japanese children.

After 2.5 years in Japan we asked to be transferred to Abilene, TX! YAY!! Lots of deployments! Not Yay! More 3 day road trips to see family while the major is deployed.  And here I discovered that it is possible to drive 18 hours in a day!

Went to Germany to join up with the Major...just me! First time to leave the girls for any length of time..yikes! Did not like being away from them for 2 weeks! But I did learn something about myself....I really love to drive fast!!! Germany...autobahn...convertible...you get the picture!

Transferred to Little Rock...not our plan....decided to homeschool...never was this our plan!  But definitely His plan as it has been an amazing time with my daughters.

Lost 4 family members in a matter of 18 months including my grandfather who was my favorite person on this earth next to my husband.

Made wonderful life-long friends that helped me through the multiple deployments!

Watched my husband being sent off to war.  not the plan....never is when it comes to military life but always knew it could happen.

The major came home safe and sound....definitely in everyone's plan!!

Transferred to Beale AFB(where???)  in California...not on the spectrum at all!!  And this is when our little family almost fell completely apart!  But God knew what He was doing and put people in our lives for a reason!

Waited impatiently but prayerfully 4 times in the past 2 years while the major was in surgery.  Experienced the near loss of his life because of one of these surgeries going wrong. God has plans for this man!

Graduated our eldest daughter from High School and sent her to college all the way across the country to a place she knew no one!  I learned that Kate is a very strong woman!!  And her sister Sarah is following right behind her.

And today...this is what I know....
A woman who loves a military man WILL follow him to the ends of the earth...even if it was not her plan!
Any military man is blessed to have a woman love him so much that she will do this!
The Code for military officers is more like "guidelines" to many...but adhered to by the best!
Military wives are the fasted mode of communication as well as the biggest hearts!
My husband is an amazing man...hungry for knowledge, for life and for Christ and he fills our home with laughter!
My daughters surprise me everytime I turn around.  Both are growing into women that when they wake in the morning, Satan hides!
God puts people in your life for a reason...some stay and become family...some become a cherished memory...some become a lesson learned.

What I have learned about myself....
I am strong and independent to a fault...and I am learning to get over the independent part!  I am dependent on Christ for everything!
I love my family and I love my friends...and if they do not know this...I am doing something wrong!
I love opening our home and our hearts to everyone...we have been blessed by those who have chosen to stay in our hearts!
I wear my heart on my sleeve and plan to leave it there!
I am learning that I cannot fix everything that happens in life. 
I have learned that the heartbreaks of my children are harder to take than my own.
The most important thing I have learned...that when I fall to my knees I am raised!

My life has been an adventure...so far...I cannot wait to see what He has in store for me next!

p.s.  I will write something soon on everything the Major has done...but that could be a book!