To Start is to Begin

So much has been going through my brain, through my heart and through my time. I go to sleep at night and think about events of the day and then I think, "I really need to start blogging again, but where do I start? How long has it been since I last posted anything?" And then I see it has been a very long time! Not that anyone but myself has noticed.

My last post was "I live in Alaska". And, I still do. This is a good thing. I have discovered that I love it here...most of the time. I also discovered that I prefer winters here, though as of today we do not have any snow in our yard. The lake is frozen to about 18 inches deep. And right now with the absence of snow, I am allowed to marvel at the formations in the ice, on the ice, and the cracks that appear daily. It's a little like life.

As typical human beings we all have cracks, fissures, fractures. We prefer these didn't show so we try to cover with crystalline, shimmery, pure white snow that lacks footprint or flaw. I know I prefer others saw only the pretty side of me, no cracks, no flaws. But as someone who wears her heart on her well insulated sleeve, my cracks show and sometimes splinter into smaller cracks, and unfortunately, not only splinter but burst into an all out fracture! And I pray for snow! I pray for a full covering of pure, white, shimmering, bursting with light snow! And by God's grace, I am covered in snow!

large crack in the ice of our lake

Snow is finicky. It gets pushed around by the wind, melted by the warmth of the sun, compresses under pressure. As it is with us. God allows us to crack, be blown about by the wind, let the footprints show in our covering.  And it is usually when those cracks that remain beneath start to show again, that we are reminded of our need for Grace. God again covers us in Grace to make us anew, like the fresh fallen snow on a sunny day. Our beauty remains in our flaws, the footprints in our snow, the cracks, the fissures. And grace remains in Him. And if we learn to see our own beautiful  cracks beneath the snow, we learn to see the beauty in others. And we learn to give others grace.

If you ever have a chance to walk on a frozen lake, not covered in snow, take it! Do not watch where you are going. Look where you are walking! Look at the details. Look at the light.
It is the cracks and fractures, and fissures and branchings out that make the ice something to marvel at. But it is also the light that is reflected from the frozen that will take your breath away.
Grace. With all our flaws, we can still reflect the love and beauty of our Creator.

Reflections of tonight's sunset

I live in Alaska

This time last year I was sorting and tossing and sorting some more to prepare for our move to Alaska.
Still numb to the fact that Alaska was once again on our radar. It had been on our radar before and
then it wasn't when the Air Force decided we should be in Japan. That was almost 20 years ago.
In those 20 years we dreamed of living among trees, mountains, water, peace. We also dreamed of opening a Bed and Breakfast
where others could find trees, mountains, water and peace.

But as the years went by and we moved back to the states(Texas), then Arkansas and then California and struggled through deployments,
and surgeries resulting from those deployments, we saw the dream slipping away. And as I sorted I tossed all my "Log Home Living"
magazines in the garbage. We were never going to get to live our dream. I thought God had forgotten our dreams. We know He takes care of us, and He has
in so many ways. But we had come to a point in our life that we figured God was going to have us struggle and struggle until we had learned something.
What that something was we had no idea. But we do know we are a work in progress, clay held gently by the potter's hands.

When the Major was medically retired after a plane accident(read back a few postings) we had no idea what we were going to do for the next chapter.
The retirement was a year earlier than we had planned. But when had anything gone according to plan? After a couple months of searching he was
offered a job with the FAA. Portland was the first offer, then one in Texas, Michigan and then Alaska. Was Alaska really back on our radar?
The major left the choice up to me. Did we dare to dream again?

The major moved to Alaska and reported to his new job January 12, 2014. I commenced the househunting online. I searched new homes...did not want another fixer-upper!
But in the search of new homes, a particular not new home popped up. A modest log home on 5 acres with lakefront. I "saved" the property so I could view it later, show the Major...blah blah blah.
Funny thing though, as I continued searches of all different types of homes, old, new, under construction...I could not find that same property except under my "saved" listings.
Each time I looked at the property online I felt more sure that it was our next home.

After 7 months of praying over the log home on 5 acres I flew to Alaska so we could househunt. The log home was the first property we looked at and both the Major and I knew it was the home for us.
Here is the thing...as we stood on the dock overlooking the lake the major said, "We don't have to look any further." I looked at him and said, "Yup". We looked at each other and both said "But God says we must share it."

We looked at other properties, probably 20 or so, just to make sure. 2 days later we were in escrow on the small log home beneath the Birchwood trees.

Today as I write, the sunshine is sparkling off the snow that has settled onto the skeletons of the Birchwood trees. They stand tall showing off
their new adornments of white and casting their long shadows across the snowy field that is our yard. The sun meanders low across the sky kissing the tips of the trees on its journey to settle behind the hills just a few hours later.

I live in Alaska.

Said to me..."I only had a few minutes and didn't say hello because I was using my time wisely."

translation: My time is too valuable to spend a moment saying hello

got it!

Life as we know it is crazy and unpredictable!  About 5 weeks ago my youngest daughter, Sarah, started passing out.  The first time was in the shower, the second time an hour later.  I found her face down on her floor in her room.  Trip to the ER and home with no answers.  It happened again the next day. Again, to the ER.  Again no answers.  EKG, CT scan, blood work.  All normal. She has no warning! They were coming each day. Most days she had 2.  This past week she went 5 days straight without an "episode" then this afternoon I heard a thump and found her on the kitchen floor.

We have changed what we eat. We have changed her supplements. We are trying to reduce stresses in her life. I don't know, but I think having your Papa move to Alaska(no we did not separate except for geographically), sister in SoCal, taking college courses, having her mom packing the house so she can join the Papa, and...and planning a wedding just might cause a little stress!

Her fiancé Caillen has been wonderful! He escorts her to her classes and stays with her during using this time to do homework.  Luckily they have 2 classes together! And he helps her find humor in the situation. His nickname for her when wearing the heart monitor has been "Robo-Flop"...hehe!

My girl is frustrated with all of it.  She has little privacy or alone time. She cannot drive...which is a huge stress reliever for her. Nothing like a drive in your own car with your favorite tunes blaring from the speakers to release tension! I am thankful to those who understand and are trying to make life easier for her. I find myself praying for those who make it about themselves....

There are more tests to come...

Kate and Sarah

Yes! We be Irish! 

On the fun side of life...

The Major was able to come home for 10 days! It was over Kate's spring break, so she was able to fly up from SoCal.  Awesome family time! I crave more! The 10 days flew by so quickly! Kate left on the 14th, and the Major left on the 19th, then the 20th Sarah and I drove to see Kate for her birthday weekend!

Kate turned 22 years old!  Her Golden Birthday as she was born on the 22nd. We had a great time and got to meet lots of her friends including 4 young men in the apartment across and down from her.  It was very obvious they are protective of her, like big brothers!  She has a great group of friends! The really neat thing about the trip?  I was able to see her in HER element! And WOW! What a young woman she has become!

Kate at "Lindy Groove"
 

 Life changes so fast!  This time last year we were only anticipating the Major's retirement. Now he is retired and we are planning Sarah and Caillen's wedding, a move to Alaska and Kate graduating from college. The best thing...God has us through everything!

At 4 a.m. this morning I was awake...awake...awake! So I did what many moms do when finding themselves awake in the wee hours of the morning...I got onto Facebook.  This is what I found posted on a friends wall and wow...did it inspire me!  It gave me a goal...I like goals...something to work towards!

I can do this! I need to do this! We are moving to Alaska! I must do this!

So, the first thing to go...

my Log Home Living magazines!

I already feel lighter!

I haven't posted anything in more than 2 weeks.  It has crossed my mind but I have been lacking words.

My words seem so trivial when I see so many others going through BIG things! Sick children, the death of a dear friend, sick children with husband deployed, husband deployed!  These are all BIG things!

So why am I full of words today? Because, the days you have few words add up and then you become a boiling over pot of alphabet soup!

In the last 2 weeks....

The Major(retired) is residing in Alaska. He has gone househunting, seen lots of moose(why is this not meese?), met Sarah Palin, is coaching 6-9 year olds on the Elmendorf AFB swim team, and worked at the Iditarod just this past weekend! "It was ruff" he said.

James with Sarah Palin!

Kate attended the Sigma Tau Delta International Honors Convention in Savannah, Georgia by invitation!

She submitted a chapter from the novel she has been working on and was invited to attend the convention, asked to read her chapter to an audience, speak on a panel, and introduce speakers. And guess what!

Her novel submission received 2nd place!  Proud Mom here! Check out the website HERE ...you only have to scroll a wee bit to see my girl's name! Can you see me beaming with pride?

Kate by the Savannah River with fellow students

She had a blast! Oh...and she met a Ghostbuster! Ernie Hudson aka Winston Zeddmore; Ghostbuster!

Who ya gonna call?

And back on the home front....

I resigned my position at the Chamber of Commerce and my last day was Friday.  I enjoyed the job and met many awesome people who are working so hard for our little community in the foothills. The job helped me to define another part of me, not just as a homeschool mom(there is no "just" in there by the way) but also defined me as someone who can be outside my comfort zone and turn it into my comfort zone.

But I also discovered what I love most.  I love being a Domestic Goddess! Yes, that is what stay-at-home moms are! And so I returned to my domain.  And here I will be to help  plan a wedding, put the house on the market, coordinate a move, and the next chapter of my life with the Major!

Sarah is doing an amazing job balancing classes, working, planning her wedding and her life with her best friend! I love watching her blossom into a soon to be Domestic Goddess and whatever else she wants to be!

She has a quiet resolve and grace! And on top of this, she is having a medical issue of which we do not have any answers. Last Tuesday, she passed out TWICE! Off to the emergency room. " Hmmmm"...and "huh"..and "go home, rest and hydrate".  And so she did.  Wednesday, she hit the floor again! Called the doctor..."go to the emergency room". It isn't quite the place you want people to recognize you, ya know, where "everybody knows your name".  More tests.  Each day for the past week, she has passed out twice, no warning.  So now she has an appointment for an echo cardiogram and a 24 hour remote heart monitor. And then to see a neurologist.  We speculate and pray.  And though it is scary, we all have peace because we know God has this! He has us! He has a plan! 

Our family Bible verse...

Prosper....Hope...Future

Saturday, Sarah and I go to the airport to meet Kate and then James.  YAY!

FAMILY HUDDLE!

Until next time...

And today I am reminded....

Abort him. That is what the doctors all told her to do. She had been very sick during her pregnancy. The odds were against the baby. Abort him. If he lives, he will be severely handicapped, physically, mentally. If he does live to term, the doctors told her she would face caring for a child that would not live long. Abort him. If he lives, he won't live past the age of 12 and will be severely handicapped. 
Abort him. 

No. She wouldn't. She wouldn't do what doctors told her to do. Instead she put her faith in Him. 
The child lived to full term. He lived to the first year, and then the second. Sure, he got sick, what child doesn't? But he grew! He made it to age 12...13... 
He lived to become a child of God. He lived to be a soldier for Christ. He lived to become a husband and a father. This child who would not live, has lived. He went to college. He joined the military and has seen the world. And in his time he has shared his faith. And in his time he has saved lives! 

Today, his birthday, he is 48 years old, stands 6'4". He is an amazing husband, a loving, devoted father, and a devout follower of Christ! He has beat many odds that lay against him and triumphed! 
Abort him? No, God has a plan for him! 

Happy Birthday James! I love you! What a blessing you are to everyone around you! I look forward to our journey ahead!

Whirlwind...

January has been a whirlwind!  Today I find myself feeling the tiredness.  It seems to always be there...but today I feel it.    

Here is the thing though...God wants us to feel the tiredness as a reminder that we need rest. He says...

So maybe it is not that I am tired but weary. I do not crave sleep.  I crave rest. I crave joy. 

See how it works?

Satellite Dish in the Center Turning Lane...

I was driving to work this morning and on the traffic news for Sacramento I hear "There is a satellite dish in the center turn lane of..."  All I could think is...wow...someone is having a bad start to their day! How big is this dish?

I wanted coffee so I took a detour through the Starbucks drive-thru.  Yes, Starbucks...the evil chain of yummy deliciousness! And I was still pondering that satellite dish!  Patiently waiting for my turn to order, I am suddenly rear-ended in the drive thru! UGH!  I get out...there is a child(okay, he was probably 17 or so) behind me..his big brown eyes looking at me.  He is embarrassed!  No damage to either vehicle.  I think he was distracted by the attractive young lady handing out samples of tasty coffee to poor souls waiting in line at the drive-thru. And getting back in my car I thought...my reaction to the situation could be his satellite dish! If I had gotten out of my car and yelled at him...well, that would just suck! There isn't any damage done, yes, he was careless, but aren't we all at some point or another!

I paid for my "tall, double-shot white mocha", and I paid for his coffee as well. I am not telling you this to say...hey, look at me... I am telling you this because someone out there is having a worse day than you are having, than I am having, or had.  I have a "satellite in the center turning lane".  We all have one. Maybe today, you can do something to help someone with their satellite.  It may just clear up their reception, and yours!