I forgot I had a blog. How does one forget they have a blog? I haven't had a lot to say since my little brother passed away in 2016. A lot of thoughts, but just no words. And about the time I felt I had something to say, the pandemic hit.  I was in Oklahoma seeing my second granddaughter's birth. Such an amazing experience to breath with your daughter as she labors giving birth to her daughter!

Anyway, the COVID trickle started. Stirrings and rumors on social media prompted me to buy a case of toilet paper from Amazon. Why toilet paper? I still don't understand that! But there were photos being posted of our local grocery store in Alaska of empty shelves especially the paper goods! So I ordere the TP! The Major was a bit surprised to come home to that package on the doorstep.

I also changed my travel plans. They were grand ones! A drive about the country seeing friends then visiting youngest daughter and her family. The driving got cancelled. I flew straight to youngest daughters. And I bought more toilet paper on Amazon...just in case.

A week later I am on a plane flying back home to Alaska. SEATAC was a ghost town. It was eerie. A year later I was again at SEATAC...during "snowmageddon"! Flights cancelled, people packed in etc. 

The political atmosphere has kept me from writing anything. Everyone has their views. I have mine. All I know is this...God has a reason for everything. 

So, all that to say, I have a plan to write more. We shall see. In the meantime, be safe, be strong, be you, be loved!

Life is anything but normal. So many times I want to soar on the breeze of perfect moments. But it is the imperfect, the hard, the anguished moments that make the perfect moments, perfect.

Still

The snow rests heavily on the branches of the pine trees after our recent snowfalls. Every now and then a branch is released of it's burden and a cloud of white falls to the ground below with a muffled sigh. Only the sight of a neighboring home and the greenish grey of the pine trees provide any contrast to the hues of white. There are moments I can hear the low hum of silence and am left only with the din of my thoughts.

I feel like the trees I watch outside my window. The weight of things of this world lay heavy on my branches.  And I wait.  I wait for the sun to shine to reveal the hues of blues and greens that make the whites brighter.  I wait for the whisper of a wind to sweep the heaviness off my branches so I am light again and can dance to its cadence.

I wait, remaining still. Knowing.

Waves and Valleys

Don't ask if I am ok. Because I will lie and say, "Oh sure. Fine" and I am not.
I am not ok. I am heart-broken. I am sad. Sometimes I am angry and sometimes just reflective. But please don't ask.  Then I have to think of what to say... and you think "no, you don't". But I do. I do have to think of something to say whether it is to ease the discomfort you feel when asking, or the discomfort you feel, because you think you should ask because it's polite. Or I have to think of something to say because if I don't, you may think I'm ok and I am not.

It comes in waves, the grief. Sometimes just small ones that wash onto my feet, and it is easy enough to walk away and wait for it to recede. Other times, the grief washes completely over me. But I feel it coming so I can brace myself.  And then there are the times that the wave hits me full force just as I turn. It knocks me off my feet and tumbles me through it's tumultuous current over and over until I am able to pull myself back to the safety of the shore gasping for air and praying for it to just go away.

Everything reminds me. There is joy in the memories and then sorrow when the void sears through my soul reminding me it is there. It will always be there, the void. I know there will be days that it will remain deep, not to be felt so strongly. But those days are not here yet.  The void. which when spoken, sounds just as dark as it's actuality, a giant, gaping hole with very raw edges. It will remain with me, unwanted, but becoming part of who I am.

Today I am immersed in a day of reflection, on the verge of tears and just raw.  I woke up today with the full intention of going to a movie with my family, But when it came to it, I could not handle the idea of being around people. Or sitting still that long.  If I am still, I am thinking. At home I can get up and do something to run away from the wave of grief coming over me. I am not ok. But I will be.

Our family is not ok. But we will be. There are no words, and that is ok.

Today I reflect and remember. That is ok. And if it's ok with you, I ask that if I don't answer the phone, or call you back, or "don't show up", that you don't take offense. I am trying to find my way through the valley.

Friends, Sheep and Coffee

I lay awake at night with thoughts running through my head. I try to wrangle them as sheep and get them to jump over the fence for counting. But the sheep thoughts end up bomb-bursting every direction! It has been suggested I write down the thoughts as they come to me, but then sleep would surely be the elusive, lost little lamb that bays in the distance.  Last night was full of sheep and very little sleep.

It has been two years since I moved to Alaska. I have traveled back multiple times to California because our daughters were both still there. Each has used the house for a time.  That is coming to an end.  Youngest is married to a Coastie and they are in Buffalo, NY.  Eldest is married to an airman and will be residing in Oklahoma by Thanksgiving. We left California for a job in Alaska knowing that we did not know where our children would end up. We left California because we had to. We just had to. Those that know us I think understand.

And this is where my thoughts were last night.  Being homesick for friends far away.  And though they may not know this, I think of my friends everyday. The friend who has a new grand-baby, the friend on the verge of graduating her youngest from homeschooling, the friend who has moved because of the military, the friend starting her own business, the friend working 40+ hours a week, the friend who is devastated from betrayal, the friend surviving cancer. The list goes on. I miss them. I love them. 

I had a birthday last week.  This was one of my favorite gifts, from a new friend.  A friend loves at all times, not just when you happen to be able to squeeze in a coffee date.  But all the time, even from Alaska!  I hope my friends know I love them!

"A friend loves at all times."
Proverbs 17:17

To Start is to Begin

So much has been going through my brain, through my heart and through my time. I go to sleep at night and think about events of the day and then I think, "I really need to start blogging again, but where do I start? How long has it been since I last posted anything?" And then I see it has been a very long time! Not that anyone but myself has noticed.

My last post was "I live in Alaska". And, I still do. This is a good thing. I have discovered that I love it here...most of the time. I also discovered that I prefer winters here, though as of today we do not have any snow in our yard. The lake is frozen to about 18 inches deep. And right now with the absence of snow, I am allowed to marvel at the formations in the ice, on the ice, and the cracks that appear daily. It's a little like life.

As typical human beings we all have cracks, fissures, fractures. We prefer these didn't show so we try to cover with crystalline, shimmery, pure white snow that lacks footprint or flaw. I know I prefer others saw only the pretty side of me, no cracks, no flaws. But as someone who wears her heart on her well insulated sleeve, my cracks show and sometimes splinter into smaller cracks, and unfortunately, not only splinter but burst into an all out fracture! And I pray for snow! I pray for a full covering of pure, white, shimmering, bursting with light snow! And by God's grace, I am covered in snow!

large crack in the ice of our lake

Snow is finicky. It gets pushed around by the wind, melted by the warmth of the sun, compresses under pressure. As it is with us. God allows us to crack, be blown about by the wind, let the footprints show in our covering.  And it is usually when those cracks that remain beneath start to show again, that we are reminded of our need for Grace. God again covers us in Grace to make us anew, like the fresh fallen snow on a sunny day. Our beauty remains in our flaws, the footprints in our snow, the cracks, the fissures. And grace remains in Him. And if we learn to see our own beautiful  cracks beneath the snow, we learn to see the beauty in others. And we learn to give others grace.

If you ever have a chance to walk on a frozen lake, not covered in snow, take it! Do not watch where you are going. Look where you are walking! Look at the details. Look at the light.
It is the cracks and fractures, and fissures and branchings out that make the ice something to marvel at. But it is also the light that is reflected from the frozen that will take your breath away.
Grace. With all our flaws, we can still reflect the love and beauty of our Creator.

Reflections of tonight's sunset

I live in Alaska

This time last year I was sorting and tossing and sorting some more to prepare for our move to Alaska.
Still numb to the fact that Alaska was once again on our radar. It had been on our radar before and
then it wasn't when the Air Force decided we should be in Japan. That was almost 20 years ago.
In those 20 years we dreamed of living among trees, mountains, water, peace. We also dreamed of opening a Bed and Breakfast
where others could find trees, mountains, water and peace.

But as the years went by and we moved back to the states(Texas), then Arkansas and then California and struggled through deployments,
and surgeries resulting from those deployments, we saw the dream slipping away. And as I sorted I tossed all my "Log Home Living"
magazines in the garbage. We were never going to get to live our dream. I thought God had forgotten our dreams. We know He takes care of us, and He has
in so many ways. But we had come to a point in our life that we figured God was going to have us struggle and struggle until we had learned something.
What that something was we had no idea. But we do know we are a work in progress, clay held gently by the potter's hands.

When the Major was medically retired after a plane accident(read back a few postings) we had no idea what we were going to do for the next chapter.
The retirement was a year earlier than we had planned. But when had anything gone according to plan? After a couple months of searching he was
offered a job with the FAA. Portland was the first offer, then one in Texas, Michigan and then Alaska. Was Alaska really back on our radar?
The major left the choice up to me. Did we dare to dream again?

The major moved to Alaska and reported to his new job January 12, 2014. I commenced the househunting online. I searched new homes...did not want another fixer-upper!
But in the search of new homes, a particular not new home popped up. A modest log home on 5 acres with lakefront. I "saved" the property so I could view it later, show the Major...blah blah blah.
Funny thing though, as I continued searches of all different types of homes, old, new, under construction...I could not find that same property except under my "saved" listings.
Each time I looked at the property online I felt more sure that it was our next home.

After 7 months of praying over the log home on 5 acres I flew to Alaska so we could househunt. The log home was the first property we looked at and both the Major and I knew it was the home for us.
Here is the thing...as we stood on the dock overlooking the lake the major said, "We don't have to look any further." I looked at him and said, "Yup". We looked at each other and both said "But God says we must share it."

We looked at other properties, probably 20 or so, just to make sure. 2 days later we were in escrow on the small log home beneath the Birchwood trees.

Today as I write, the sunshine is sparkling off the snow that has settled onto the skeletons of the Birchwood trees. They stand tall showing off
their new adornments of white and casting their long shadows across the snowy field that is our yard. The sun meanders low across the sky kissing the tips of the trees on its journey to settle behind the hills just a few hours later.

I live in Alaska.

Said to me..."I only had a few minutes and didn't say hello because I was using my time wisely."

translation: My time is too valuable to spend a moment saying hello

got it!

Life as we know it is crazy and unpredictable!  About 5 weeks ago my youngest daughter, Sarah, started passing out.  The first time was in the shower, the second time an hour later.  I found her face down on her floor in her room.  Trip to the ER and home with no answers.  It happened again the next day. Again, to the ER.  Again no answers.  EKG, CT scan, blood work.  All normal. She has no warning! They were coming each day. Most days she had 2.  This past week she went 5 days straight without an "episode" then this afternoon I heard a thump and found her on the kitchen floor.

We have changed what we eat. We have changed her supplements. We are trying to reduce stresses in her life. I don't know, but I think having your Papa move to Alaska(no we did not separate except for geographically), sister in SoCal, taking college courses, having her mom packing the house so she can join the Papa, and...and planning a wedding just might cause a little stress!

Her fiancé Caillen has been wonderful! He escorts her to her classes and stays with her during using this time to do homework.  Luckily they have 2 classes together! And he helps her find humor in the situation. His nickname for her when wearing the heart monitor has been "Robo-Flop"...hehe!

My girl is frustrated with all of it.  She has little privacy or alone time. She cannot drive...which is a huge stress reliever for her. Nothing like a drive in your own car with your favorite tunes blaring from the speakers to release tension! I am thankful to those who understand and are trying to make life easier for her. I find myself praying for those who make it about themselves....

There are more tests to come...

Kate and Sarah

Yes! We be Irish! 

On the fun side of life...

The Major was able to come home for 10 days! It was over Kate's spring break, so she was able to fly up from SoCal.  Awesome family time! I crave more! The 10 days flew by so quickly! Kate left on the 14th, and the Major left on the 19th, then the 20th Sarah and I drove to see Kate for her birthday weekend!

Kate turned 22 years old!  Her Golden Birthday as she was born on the 22nd. We had a great time and got to meet lots of her friends including 4 young men in the apartment across and down from her.  It was very obvious they are protective of her, like big brothers!  She has a great group of friends! The really neat thing about the trip?  I was able to see her in HER element! And WOW! What a young woman she has become!

Kate at "Lindy Groove"
 

 Life changes so fast!  This time last year we were only anticipating the Major's retirement. Now he is retired and we are planning Sarah and Caillen's wedding, a move to Alaska and Kate graduating from college. The best thing...God has us through everything!

At 4 a.m. this morning I was awake...awake...awake! So I did what many moms do when finding themselves awake in the wee hours of the morning...I got onto Facebook.  This is what I found posted on a friends wall and wow...did it inspire me!  It gave me a goal...I like goals...something to work towards!

I can do this! I need to do this! We are moving to Alaska! I must do this!

So, the first thing to go...

my Log Home Living magazines!

I already feel lighter!

I haven't posted anything in more than 2 weeks.  It has crossed my mind but I have been lacking words.

My words seem so trivial when I see so many others going through BIG things! Sick children, the death of a dear friend, sick children with husband deployed, husband deployed!  These are all BIG things!

So why am I full of words today? Because, the days you have few words add up and then you become a boiling over pot of alphabet soup!

In the last 2 weeks....

The Major(retired) is residing in Alaska. He has gone househunting, seen lots of moose(why is this not meese?), met Sarah Palin, is coaching 6-9 year olds on the Elmendorf AFB swim team, and worked at the Iditarod just this past weekend! "It was ruff" he said.

James with Sarah Palin!

Kate attended the Sigma Tau Delta International Honors Convention in Savannah, Georgia by invitation!

She submitted a chapter from the novel she has been working on and was invited to attend the convention, asked to read her chapter to an audience, speak on a panel, and introduce speakers. And guess what!

Her novel submission received 2nd place!  Proud Mom here! Check out the website HERE ...you only have to scroll a wee bit to see my girl's name! Can you see me beaming with pride?

Kate by the Savannah River with fellow students

She had a blast! Oh...and she met a Ghostbuster! Ernie Hudson aka Winston Zeddmore; Ghostbuster!

Who ya gonna call?

And back on the home front....

I resigned my position at the Chamber of Commerce and my last day was Friday.  I enjoyed the job and met many awesome people who are working so hard for our little community in the foothills. The job helped me to define another part of me, not just as a homeschool mom(there is no "just" in there by the way) but also defined me as someone who can be outside my comfort zone and turn it into my comfort zone.

But I also discovered what I love most.  I love being a Domestic Goddess! Yes, that is what stay-at-home moms are! And so I returned to my domain.  And here I will be to help  plan a wedding, put the house on the market, coordinate a move, and the next chapter of my life with the Major!

Sarah is doing an amazing job balancing classes, working, planning her wedding and her life with her best friend! I love watching her blossom into a soon to be Domestic Goddess and whatever else she wants to be!

She has a quiet resolve and grace! And on top of this, she is having a medical issue of which we do not have any answers. Last Tuesday, she passed out TWICE! Off to the emergency room. " Hmmmm"...and "huh"..and "go home, rest and hydrate".  And so she did.  Wednesday, she hit the floor again! Called the doctor..."go to the emergency room". It isn't quite the place you want people to recognize you, ya know, where "everybody knows your name".  More tests.  Each day for the past week, she has passed out twice, no warning.  So now she has an appointment for an echo cardiogram and a 24 hour remote heart monitor. And then to see a neurologist.  We speculate and pray.  And though it is scary, we all have peace because we know God has this! He has us! He has a plan! 

Our family Bible verse...

Prosper....Hope...Future

Saturday, Sarah and I go to the airport to meet Kate and then James.  YAY!

FAMILY HUDDLE!

Until next time...

And today I am reminded....

Abort him. That is what the doctors all told her to do. She had been very sick during her pregnancy. The odds were against the baby. Abort him. If he lives, he will be severely handicapped, physically, mentally. If he does live to term, the doctors told her she would face caring for a child that would not live long. Abort him. If he lives, he won't live past the age of 12 and will be severely handicapped. 
Abort him. 

No. She wouldn't. She wouldn't do what doctors told her to do. Instead she put her faith in Him. 
The child lived to full term. He lived to the first year, and then the second. Sure, he got sick, what child doesn't? But he grew! He made it to age 12...13... 
He lived to become a child of God. He lived to be a soldier for Christ. He lived to become a husband and a father. This child who would not live, has lived. He went to college. He joined the military and has seen the world. And in his time he has shared his faith. And in his time he has saved lives! 

Today, his birthday, he is 48 years old, stands 6'4". He is an amazing husband, a loving, devoted father, and a devout follower of Christ! He has beat many odds that lay against him and triumphed! 
Abort him? No, God has a plan for him! 

Happy Birthday James! I love you! What a blessing you are to everyone around you! I look forward to our journey ahead!

Whirlwind...

January has been a whirlwind!  Today I find myself feeling the tiredness.  It seems to always be there...but today I feel it.    

Here is the thing though...God wants us to feel the tiredness as a reminder that we need rest. He says...

So maybe it is not that I am tired but weary. I do not crave sleep.  I crave rest. I crave joy. 

See how it works?

Satellite Dish in the Center Turning Lane...

I was driving to work this morning and on the traffic news for Sacramento I hear "There is a satellite dish in the center turn lane of..."  All I could think is...wow...someone is having a bad start to their day! How big is this dish?

I wanted coffee so I took a detour through the Starbucks drive-thru.  Yes, Starbucks...the evil chain of yummy deliciousness! And I was still pondering that satellite dish!  Patiently waiting for my turn to order, I am suddenly rear-ended in the drive thru! UGH!  I get out...there is a child(okay, he was probably 17 or so) behind me..his big brown eyes looking at me.  He is embarrassed!  No damage to either vehicle.  I think he was distracted by the attractive young lady handing out samples of tasty coffee to poor souls waiting in line at the drive-thru. And getting back in my car I thought...my reaction to the situation could be his satellite dish! If I had gotten out of my car and yelled at him...well, that would just suck! There isn't any damage done, yes, he was careless, but aren't we all at some point or another!

I paid for my "tall, double-shot white mocha", and I paid for his coffee as well. I am not telling you this to say...hey, look at me... I am telling you this because someone out there is having a worse day than you are having, than I am having, or had.  I have a "satellite in the center turning lane".  We all have one. Maybe today, you can do something to help someone with their satellite.  It may just clear up their reception, and yours!

Polka-Dotted Chocolate

Dessert arrived.  Delectable chocolate mousse for me.  Key Lime mousse for Sarah. Hers came as always with a small wedge of polka-dotted white chocolate carefully placed on the whipped cream. She was suddenly saddened.  Her dad usually eats that piece of yummy chocolate.  He acts like he is going to steal it, she blocks him, takes it out of the whip cream daintily, smiles and gives it to her daddy.  But he isn't here.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as we lay our heads down to sleep last night.

"It feels like a deployment huh."  "yes"

And it does, but it isn't.  We are separated geographically.  The Major(retired), is in Alaska and started a new job yesterday.  I am here, Sarah is here.  Kate is at school in SoCal.

It was sudden just like his last deployment.  We had to get new ID cards right before he left, just like his last deployment.  And we cried, just like his last deployment.  And everyday I am so thankful this is not a deployment.  I did not kiss him and send him off to war.

I kissed him and sent him off to get the rough draft of our next chapter outlined. And I pray for my sweet friends who have those they love out on deployment. I understand.

What a Year!!!

We started the year as we hope we always will.  Sarah's birthday is on January 6th.  In 2013 she turned 18. Honestly I do not feel old enough to have a daughter who is 18...well...now 19 since her birthday brought in our newest year and she turned 19!  It was a great start to the year and Sarah attended "The Lion King" live in San Francisco with Caillen and his parents.  She is a light in this world!
January 19th.  A beautiful day to go flying. James and Caillen did just that.  When the call came from Caillen from an unknown number with "we are ok, but..."
I was on the phone with Kate calling her back home from an evening out with her friend Ruth.  Thenthe girlsh and I were in the car. I really don't remember the drive to Rideout Hospital in Marysville. I do remember the sinking feeling.  I had that feeling before...too many times.
The newspaper captured this photo:

  We arrived at the ER.  The security guard was very quiet as he led us back.  We held the hand of the other.  We did not know what to expect.  What happpens to someone who is in that plane in the picture?

We rounded the corner and saw Caillen.  He was fine. Tears of relief.  There was no James. Just a space waiting for him. We waited, and waited.  Caillen and his dad, Darryl waited with us. Darryl is a gentle, calming soul!

Then, there he was, strapped to a gurney, clothes shredded. Shaking from shock and covered in blood. Mud and grass caked areas of his body.

The plane lost power on takeoff.

The rescue vehicles set fire to the grass, catalytic converters.

James spent 3 days in the ICU.  

February, I traveled to Montana for a week.  Went skiing with my brother and came down with whooping cough.  Yay! 

March, Kate turned 21! Again...am I old enough? Don't answer that!  Kate "is" what it feels like when your heart races, suddenly.

April...hmmm...got nothin'.  

May!  We graduated Sarah from high school!

June, we had a huge graduation party for Sarah and got to see lots of people, near and dear.

July, I started "officially" working for the Greater Grass Valley Chamber of Commerce where I had been volunteering since March. "Executive Assistant"

August, Kate began her senior year at Azusa Pacific University!  Sarah began her freshman year of college at our local community college!

September, adjusting to the new life of no longer homeschooling and James' retirement hovers on the horizon.

October, I went for a short visit to Montana.  James officially retires from 23 years in the USAF!

November, job searching for James.  Wonderful Thanksgiving spent with the girls here in our home.

December, job hunting, Christmas, and all the intentions of getting those cards out on time.  Did not happen!

Then the last week of December, the news came. 8 job offers later, we decide on Alaska.

We don't know what the next chapter brings.  God willing, we will celebrate as Caillen and Sarah get married.  We will celebrate Kate graduating college! And God willing, we will find our way back together no matter where each of us is.

Tonight, I write from my comfy couch next to the fireplace. James is on his way to Alaska to start his new job with the FAA on Monday.  Kate starts classes Monday. Sarah goes back to work Monday.  And I start sorting, packing and remembering. Remembering what an adventure life has been so far!

We are on the verge of a great adventure....stay tuned!

On my front porch there are one dozen daisy plants waiting for me to place them in their new home in my yard.  They sit patiently as I decide on the perfect spot for each of them to soak up sun and water to become beautiful long stemmed white rays of happiness.  Who can look at a daisy and not feel happy?
Who can sit in a garden and not feel the stir of a piece of Heaven?

I garden.  I plant flowers in hopes that they will bloom.  For the most part, they do, unless the deer have feasted upon the bounty.  I garden by trial and error and gathering of knowledge through books, magazines and friends.  And though it may be frustrating at times, I continue to garden.

I garden, therefore I am.  When I garden or "play with my flowers", I feel so very close to God, to the One who created all the beautiful things of this world, and the not so beautiful.  I feel close to Him as I dig in the dirt, my hands void of gloves and my feet bare to the coolness of the earth beneath them and to the warmth the sun provides from above.

I garden.  All of life began in a garden and perhaps those of us who plant flowers or vegetables or just enjoy the tranquility of digging in the dirt are merely trying to reach back to our beginnings in the Garden of Eden.  Reaching for our God, connecting with Him, maker of all things.

"The Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and placed there the man whom He had formed. And from the ground the Lord God caused to grow every tree that was pleasing to the sight and good for food, with the tree of life in the middle of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and bad." --Genesis 2:8-9

I garden.  I dig in the dirt and love the smell and the feel upon my skin.  I love the blooms that come after the work.  And I love sitting amongst the blooms feeling satisfied.  And I wonder, is this how God felt on His day of rest?  Pure satisfaction as He walked in His garden?

"Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day..." Genesis 3:8

I will someday walk with God in His Garden.

God's Garden by Robert Frost

God made a beatous garden
With lovely flowers strown,
But one straight, narrow pathway
That was not overgrown.
And to this beauteous garden
He brought mankind to live,
And said: "To you, my children,
These lovely flowers I give.
Prune ye my vines and fig trees,
With care my flowerets tend,
But keep the pathway open
Your home is at the end."

Then came another master,
Who did not love mankind,
And planted on the pathway
Gold flowers for them to find.
And mankind saw the bright flowers,
That, glitt'ring in the sun,
Quite hid the thorns of av'rice
That poison blood and bone;
And far off many wandered,
And when life's night came on,
They still were seeking gold flowers,
Lost, helpless and alone.

O, cease to heed the glamour
That blinds your foolish eyes,
Look upward to the glitter
Of stars in God's clear skies.
Their ways are pure and harmless
And will not lead astray,
Bid aid your erring footsteps
To keep the narrow way.
And when the sun shines brightly
Tend flowers that God has given
And keep the pathway open
That leads you on to heaven.

Update...

It has been far too long since my last post, but I am planning on making this blog thingy a habit...maybe.
In the last post the Major was working on retiring from the Air Force, that has not happened as yet.  it is in the plan in the very near and dear future.  Right now he is recovering from another surgery.  I think he is up to 8 and 6 have been in the last 7 years.  He is a difficult man to hold down during recovery, and I think by now we have both learned not to pray for patience. 
So, for now I update with this, we have trials, tribulations, joy and victories.  Through all things we work to give our Lord Jesus glory.  He holds us each day in the palm of His hands.  We just need to remember to be still in His hands.